That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm really busy with my period
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