Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
