there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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