apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
