where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
