thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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