Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
