my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
