I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
