Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize