Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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