We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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