Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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