you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
They took my balls.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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