A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
