WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
