I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
it's like iHOP with fire
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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