you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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