i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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