did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
