And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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