You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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