I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
