One girl and one boy is just not enough.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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