i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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