Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
