The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
