I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
