So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
