3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
