new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
