It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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