We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
