She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
