maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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