I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
