...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
