i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
