Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
