don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
