i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
