So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
