oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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