so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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