I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He passed out mid-signature
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
