you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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