I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
