I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
