By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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