My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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