Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
where are my pants?
in the oven.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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