the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
