so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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