Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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