soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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