Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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