Ketchup is God's man juice
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize