yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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