Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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