Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I currently don't understand fingers.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
