Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
