Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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