we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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